The nausea is (mostly) gone.
The exhaustion is getting (a little) better.
The headaches have stayed away so far this week.
(Yes, I know it’s only Monday…but it’s a victory in my book!)

Things are going well.
I can feel Little Miss bouncing and kicking around.
I get to “see” her again next week at the big check-it-all-out appointment.

Today I am 20 weeks.
And I am finding that hard to believe.
I’m half way there.
(Over half way, if I follow my previous patterns.)

And I’m excited.
And I’m still taking it all in
And trying to revel in all the little moments,
All the lasts.

I know that this is my last pregnancy,
And I am trying my damnedest to enjoy every minute of it…
But it’s hard for me not to mourn the fact that this is the last one.

I constantly finding myself thinking,
“This the last first time I’ll feel a baby move inside of me.”
“This is the last first time the big kids will press their hopeful hands to my belly, wishing to feel a little kick.”
“This is the last first time I’ll buy a cute little baby onesie for one of my own babies.”
And all the last first-ness?
Is killing me.

I want to savor each moment, soak it all in, breathe it all in deeply(while I can).
But finding the line between not looking too far ahead(like I am so apt to do)
And cherishing the moment(like I so want to do) is proving to be difficult for me.

I’ve always always always been one to plan ahead, be prepared.
And I’ve always wanted to be one of those live-in-the-moment people.
But now that I’m trying that?
It’s just stressing me out.

So instead of focusing on all that is passing me oh-so-quickly…
Instead of making every little detail a big one…
Instead of constantly thinking “last, last, last”…
I’m going to just take it one day at a time,
And enjoy each of those days and whatever joys it brings.

No looking back.
No looking forward.
(Ok, maybe a little of both.)

Casey said, “I’m not going to spend very many days of my life pregnant, so the ones I do have? I’m going to enjoy.”

Yes.  Just yes.

My view of 20 weeks (decorated by Lydia)