I was cleaning out my drafts folder and I found this.
I’d forgotten that I written it at all, but I’m glad I did.
Once I found it, I remembered tapping it out on the tiny keyboard of my phone.
And I remember wanting to finish it, but deciding instead to get the epidural redone.
I think that was probably a good choice.
I listen to the beep-beep-beep of your monitor.
As your heart races, so does mine.
And then with the slowing…like a deep breath…
We both relax.
Good variablilty, they say.
Faster, slower, faster, slower…
There is a strange comfort in the consistency of the variability.
An event like this one, so unpredictable-
Oddly reassuring by the repetition.
The tightening – from the inside out…
At this point a gentle reminder that you are almost here.
My body is working as it should be, which is wonderful…
But I can’t help but mourn the fact that these are the last few hours that you will be completely mine.
I can’t complain though.
We’ve had a good run, you and I.
And it’s time to share you, I know.
There are so many people waiting to meet you,
To love you, to support you, to care for you…
Just as they have done for me.