How to Wash A Car

Step One:
Turn on the water hose and aim it up your brother’s nose.
Continue spraying everyone until they are all completely soaked and crying.

Step Two:
Take one of those rags by the soap bucket and dunk it in the soapy water.
Whatever you do – don’t wring it out.
It is imperative that you make it as heavy as possible!!
This way when you sling it over your head it will have maximum slap-a-bility when it pops across your mother’s face.

Step Three:
Make sure you draw plenty of pictures in the dirt first.  Get it goooood and streaky.
Then do not actually wash any of it off when you swoosh the rag in random shapes all over the van.
Also make sure your mom is smack dab in the middle of washing a window before you spray the water onto said window.
(It’s the perfect way to catch her off guard and leave her choking and gagging on soapy car wash water.)

Step Four:
Convince your sister that she needs a helmet while washing “for safety purposes”.

Step Five:
Watch mom rinse of the van while you pee in the woods.
Giggle and loudly yell, “You’re watering the car just like I’m watering the bushes!”

Step Six:
Sit on the steps with your soaking wet, pantless brother and your helment-on-her-head-for-safety-purposes sister
And enjoy a classic summer favorite: Push Pops


8 Responses to How to Wash A Car
  1. Tara
    June 30, 2011 | 7:32 am

    Oh, wow.

    You are a brave soul…with a good sense of humor.

  2. Tara
    June 30, 2011 | 7:34 am

    Also? Teenage-dom. When he gets there? Oh, wow.

  3. Jesse
    June 30, 2011 | 9:51 am

    That sounds completely acceptable to me…my boy is a genius, all the fun none of the work.

  4. Felisha
    June 30, 2011 | 9:49 pm

    That was hilarious as I sit here crying because I have laughed so much. I wish you would have called me to be a part of this activity. LOL LOL LOL

  5. Mary @ A Simple Twist of Faith
    July 1, 2011 | 3:52 pm

    I love that picture of your boys.

  6. Jil
    July 1, 2011 | 11:59 pm

    What a wonderful memory you now have!! You will laugh for years and really miss him when he moves out! Such a great thing children are!

  7. Weekend Cowgirl
    July 2, 2011 | 11:39 am

    I loved as a kid washing our car. Even in HS we had car washes. Life is pretty boring now that I just go and have it done. Maybe today I will just wash my own car!!

  8. domestic extraordinaire
    July 4, 2011 | 10:56 pm

    those directions sound about right.