This is not about pencils.

I sharpened a whole box of pencils just because I wanted to.
I like the smell of pencils.
I like the little rippled shavings.
I like the perfectly pointy tips.

But after I sharpened 24 pencils I wondered why.
I never, ever use them.

I type.
I like the clickity-click of the keyboard,
The sound of my nails brushing the keys.
I love how fast the words spill forth
(and yet they still can’t keep up with my mind).

But you know what I like most?
When I write with a pencil
(or heavens-to-betsy a pen!)
and I make a mistake?
You see it.
You can see the scribble-through,
The shadows of letters gone awry,
The dust of words now wiped away.

I know I’m not a perfect writer,
But I want you to think I am.
And so I type it up all neat and pretty
With (hopefully) no mistakes.

I know I’m not a perfect mother,
But I want you to think I am.
And so I dress my kids neat and pretty
With (hopefully) no snotty noses or dirty hair.

I know I’m not a perfect woman,
But I want you to think I am.
And so I put on make up and fix my hair
With (hopefully) no dandruff showing.

I know I’m not a perfect person,
But I want you to think I am.
And so I get up each morning and put on my mask
And (hopefully) you can’t see the real me.
I hope you do see through it all.
And actually…
I hope you see that I’m not perfect.
I never will be.
And hopefully you’re ok with that.
Because I’m still learning to be ok with it myself.
(And not worry about what you think.)

6 Responses to This is not about pencils.
  1. Liz Sanders
    September 21, 2011 | 10:32 am

    Can I borrow your pencil sharpener? Cause you have perfectly sharpened pencils.
    I loved this post! Perfectly dressed kids with no snotty noses and perfectly coiffed hair? That’s what I strive for every time we walk out the door, but there is always that one kid with cheetos on their face and one with the most awful fingernails ever! How do their fingernails get THAT much dirt under them and they haven’t even been outside???

  2. domestic extraordinaire
    September 21, 2011 | 10:43 am

    The smell of freshly sharpened pencils makes me gag a bit. Maybe because I still had to sharpen pencils when I was pregnant with Giggles or the fact that I am freak-ish and don’t like the pancakes.

    I love you so much & I know that you aren’t perfect, just as you know I am not. Why oh why did God give me such a wonderful friend as you and put you so far away. I know I can’t see the reason behind His plan and I will just happily (sort of) count down the days until we see each other again.

  3. Jil
    September 21, 2011 | 11:11 pm

    It’s hard to love a perfect person (with the exception of Christ)! It’s much easier to love those that are going through the same things we are. It’s nice to know that you love and are accepting of those of us that aren’t perfect, because you know what we’re going through!

    Keep that beautiful smile on your face and know you are loved just the way you are! If we were perfect we wouldn’t need to be here!

  4. CathyMartin
    September 22, 2011 | 9:17 am

    You’re perfect enough for me!!! I love you!!

  5. punkinmama
    September 26, 2011 | 11:37 am

    I, for one, am glad you are not perfect. It makes me like you a whole lot more!

  6. Carmen
    October 4, 2011 | 10:11 am

    I like the real you. 🙂