Monthly Archives: November 2011

We know subtle.

Last year Carter was in Kindergarten.
This year Lydia has the same teacher.

Around this time of year, they send home a paper turkey and ask you to decorate it as a family.
In the directions it says:
“As a family, disguise Tom or Tracy Turkey so that he won’t be eaten for Thanksgiving.”

If you’ve been around these parts much, you may remember Carter’s ‘well-disguised’ turkey.

And here is Lydia’s that we finished today.

Obviously, we know subtle.

Favorite Phrase Friday {November 4, 2011}

This week’s been a little crazier than usual and I have stayed behind.
(And…for the record, I have the best husband ever.  He has been SO incredibly helpful.)
Anyway…my favorite phrases from this week:

It might have been cold outside, but my heart was warm. Few things make me prouder as a parent than watching my kids love on each other. It is the best things about them. And one of the best parts about being a mom.  –from Jill at The Diaper Diaries

He was 2½, terrific…and terrible.  Determined.  Stubborn.  Short-tempered.  Once he made his mind up about something –anything – nothing could change it.  –from Robin at Pensieve

sometimes i am scared and uncertain of my future
but all the time i am loved
from Chris at Punkinhood 


Did you share some of your favorite phrases?
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This Morning

da-nah-da.  da-nah-da.  da-nah-da.  My alarm sings to me and I slap at it until it falls silent.  I’m not ready for the morning. (I rarely am.)  I love the dark of night. I get so much accomplished when the house is quiet and my world is still.  If 6 o’clock is the witching hour, then midnight is my golden hour.  But morning is here and there’s so much to do.  I forgot to make lunches last night.  (Again.)

It’s cold and I slip on flannel froggy pajama pants and wrap up in the matching shirt, not even caring that the sleep shirt I already had on is bunched up underneath.  I am up, but not awake.  I stumble to the kitchen and make a bottle.  She’s not awake, but she will be soon.  And three milk cups – one pink, one purple, one green.

I shuffle to the big kids’ room and take a moment to watch them sleep.  I always hate to wake them.  I pat Lydia on the back and she rolls over and I cannot resist the urge to slip into the bed beside her.  I cuddle up with my big girl.  She still fits perfectly in my arms.   I hope that no matter how big she gets, she will always fit perfectly in my arms, but I know that’s not true.  I am content for her to always fit perfectly in my heart.  This I know to be true.

I find myself at that place where silence toes the line with sound.  The ins and outs of her breath heavy and full.  The rhythm so soothing that I begin to drift back off myself.  And then she farts on me and giggles.

Okay, okay.  I’m up.

More Than “Baby Blues”

This is a post that I wrote last year.  
But it seems like there are a lot of people struggling right now, so I thought I’d share it again.

I remember it.
I remember it well.

The wanting to breathe deep
And not being able to.

The wanting to smile
And have it reach all the way up to my eyes.

The wanting to laugh
And have it come from deep within.

The wanting to be happy.
The wanting to feel joy.

The knowing that this this is exactly what I wanted…
And then, once it was here, it feeling so empty.

Searching for joy,
Wanting it so deeply,
And it always being just out of reach.

Confused by what I knew I was supposed to feel
And what I was feeling.

Waking up one morning and realizing that it’s more…
It’s more than just a little sad.
It’s more than “baby blues”.
And wondering how it happened?
How it sneaked up on you without you even knowing…

Oh, how well I remember it.

But this time, I fought back before it had time to find me.
Before it slipped quietly into my mind, slyly and silently attacking from within.

But there are still moments when I start to breath in deeply and I choke on those old emotions.
There are still times when I smile at all the good, all the beauty around me
and yet it feels not quite as happy as it should be.
And there are still times when I catch my mind trying to trick me, trying to break.

But the difference this time is that I know it’s there.
I know what my mind is capable of doing to me
And I didn’t give it a chance this time.
I started fixing it before it was broken.

But I remember.
It’s something you never forget.
And something, I think, that’s never completely gone.

So I’m here to tell you that if you feel like this?
This quiet pain, invisible to so many?

Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed
Hang on
Help is on the way
And stay strong
Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Details in the Fabric*, Jason Mraz

You are not alone.
You are not crazy.
You are not a bad mom.
You are not a bad person.

Ask for help.
Tell somebody else how shitty it feels.
Don’t be ashamed of the terrible, horrible thoughts that cross your mind.

You’re not alone.
We get it.
Those of us who have been there…
We get it.

It might not feel like it now, but it will be fine…
And, looking back, it’ll seem like no time at all.

*FYI: Links to music that has curse words.