Nothing That Is Something

I want to be your friend, to love and support you…but I’m not sure how.
You want me to ask? Or pretend it’s not here?
I will do either, but I’m here to tell you that saying it out loud feels good.
In a safe place, pour out your words…even if the very words you’re saying come out all wrong
or don’t make sense
or are full of vitriol.
Just get them out.
They won’t all be gone,
but we won’t be gone either.
We understand.
We know how sometimes it all seems like too much and your brain is broken
and that breaks your heart and yet still somehow, it doesn’t even hurt.
Or maybe it hurts so much that you don’t feel a thing.
Either way, you end up apathetic and not quite sure where to go or what to do
and you look for any thing that will fix it and nothing works and it hurts but it doesn’t
and in realizing that it doesn’t hurt but that it should, you just.feel.numb.
And you know that no matter how empty and numb and awkward you feel,
you just have to keep pushing through.
Because that’s what we’re supposed to do;
It’s what we are taught to do, told to do.

/full stop/

But nobody ever told you how to do.
And so you try to fake it ’til you make it and mostly it works
but there are some souls who can hear your hurts, your hidden painless pain.
And they will come to you, and they say “I know this, this nothing that is something”.
And in acknowledging it, the nothing falls away and you have something.
And you work together on conquering the something,
even if the teamwork is nothing but silent prayers.

If you listen, if you really listen, your heart will hear the hearts of those other souls, the ones that know and those whispers…
They will hold you up when you feel like falling.
They will pick you up when you hit the bottom.
And they’ll help brush you off and they’ll hold your heart in theirs.
(If you just trust them.)

Or maybe that’s just me.

2 Responses to Nothing That Is Something
  1. Paula
    November 15, 2012 | 4:43 pm

    This is so good…and true. I wish I had someone like you to talk to when I was in the midst of my nothing…hopefully you are reaching others who really need this!

  2. Jil
    November 16, 2012 | 2:21 pm

    Thanks for putting into words things that I feel, but am not able to say. I think so often we all just push through and still at the end feel so alone. Thanks for being a friend!