Redefined {Looking Back On Lent}

Easter has come. Lent is over. It’s impossible not to get to this end of the journey and look back. You may remember that for Lent I didn’t give up anything but instead decided to work on redefining. I’ll admit that there were entire days where I completely failed. And there were moments when I wanted nothing more than to shout, “Leave me alone for just ten seconds!” And moments when I wanted to crawl back into bed and hide. I think my biggest hurdle is remembering to act, not react. I don’t always take time to think before I speak or act, and that tends to get me a world of trouble.

I almost felt like I was cheating when I picked redefining for Lent. In all honesty, it’s something I’ve been working on for the past year or so. There was a situation where I was slammed with some very hurtful information. I wanted to respond immediately, but I knew it would be full of snot-filled-sobbing and venom because I was hurt and angry. I decided to sleep on it and write back once I’d separated myself from the moment. And it worked!  I replied in a calmer, more reasonable manner. I knew this to be true and I’d done it successfully before, but something about this time made it really sink in for me. While I’m all for living in the moment, that doesn’t mean I have to react in the moment. It’s okay to take a breather, get your wits about you, and collect your thoughts before you respond.

I found the stepping-back-and-collecting-my-thoughts bit very helpful at Blissdom. While I always enjoy going to the conference, it’s a bit (read: very) overwhelming to me at times. I took time to sit in corners alone and recharge (literally and figuratively because I carried my phone charger with me the whole time). I went back to the room a few times just because I knew I needed some down time. I sat and ate a gigantic cookie all by my lonesome and didn’t even take a picture of it. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even pull out my phone. As much as I love technology and the connections that I’ve gotten from the internet, it’s good to back away sometimes. It’s good to sit alone and eat a cookie. To listen to a grandmother and her grandchild have a mid-morning snack and chit-chat. To listen to my own thoughts without the thoughts of others invading.  I’m sad that I missed Megan Jordan’s session, because she is the queen of stepping back from the world and letting her imagination have time to imagine and I think that there’s a lot I could learn from her.

So while Lent may be over, my quest to redefine myself, my dreams, my directions, and my distractions is not.  And I’m glad. It’s a hard thing for me to do, but it’s so very worth it in the end. And in the now as well, really.

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I’m also redefining my definition of a “perfect” picture of my four little hooligans, because as nice as it is when they’re all smiling and looking at me, what’s more perfect than the ones that let those little personalities really shine through?

Happy Easter, y’all!