Category Archives: Bridget Blogs

Pr(air)

The wind is strong and almost steady.
The leaves make the most glorious swoosh-swoosh-swoossssshhhhh.
And the same three pipes of the windchime take turns singing.

The clock behind me says tick-ah, tick-ah, tick-ah, tick-ah.
The pendulum on the grandfather clock beside me just barely keeps up.
My eyes and my ears struggle to make them get in sync, but can’t.
And so I move so that I can no longer see the pendulum.
Problem solved!
(Or is it just problem ignored?)
(Is it even really a problem?)

I try to count all the different birds I hear.
Onetwothreefourfive…I easily differentiate.
But there are too many coos to count.

I close my eyes and let my limbs hang heavy.
Dropping my chin and rolling my head round and round gently,
I am acutely aware of the hundreds of muscles in my neck, chest, shoulder, arms.
Bending further, I feel the pull in my lower back.
A deep breath burns in my lungs.

I imagine that each strained muscle is a hurt, a heartache.
I feel the pain of the world on my shoulders.
(How cliché, but true.)
The brokenness of friends weigh heavily on my chest.
My own bitterness radiates down each arm.

Breathe deep.
Deeper.
Deeper still.

Filling every crevice of my torso until I can no longer take in any more.

And with release, relief rushes in.

Each breath, a prayer.
Each breath, a petition.
Each breath, a plea.

I call out to you with all of my heart…

 

 

 

 

 

Mommy Time Out

I am tired and you are teething.
It is a lethal combination.

“You win!” I exclaim in frustration.
(Well, really no one wins.)

I slip out the back door and walk just far enough that I can barely hear your cries.
Though it is nearly 10, I am still jammied up.
So are you.  And your brother.
No need to get dressed today.
We have no where to go.

The wind blows up the end of my nightgown
And I lie down on the driveway.
The warmth of the sun begins to defrost my demeanor.

I tell myself that I will miss this one day.
And I will, I know.
The naps and the cuddles.
The giggles and sighs.
The top of your head resting on my cheek.
Even the tiny, sticky hands.
And the touching-touching-touching.
(OH! With the touching!!!!)
And, oh yes, even the ear piercing squeals of excitement.
I will miss them all.

But I cannot imagine missing the sound of cries.

Even as I speak it though, I wonder if it is true.
Your cries signify (or at least should signify) that you need me.
I thrive on being needed, being wanted.
And no one is more needed or wanted than Mama.

So I pull myself up from the drive and slip inside the house.
I quietly peek into your brother’s room and find you both engrossed in a toy laptop.
(Why do they make toys that are so looooooud?)

You are fine – save the occasional post-sob sniffle – until you see me.
But when you turn your eyes on me, you let out the smallest whimper.
And turn towards me with arms stretched wide.

“Mama-mama-ma”
With your head on my shoulder,
You sniff rhythmically to hold back the tears.

And as much as I don’t think I’ll miss the cries,
I will most certainly miss this.

Hiccups

I remember learning about Einstein’s idea that time is relative.  I’d heard all about the theory of relativity in school, but wasn’t until my brother read a book about Einstein that I really learned it.  And even then – and still now, actually – I didn’t really get it.  What it really boils down to (I think) is that the faster you move, the slower time passes.  And, conversely, the slower you move, the faster time passes.  And I am fairly certain that we’re talking milliseconds of a difference, but every parent can tell you that time is more fluid than we’d like to believe.

This spring break has been a perfect example
It’s been a complete whirlwind for us.
Parks.  Picnics.  Pictures.  Playground.  Planting.
Friends.  Family.  Fishing.  Fun.

It’s been really quitesovery wonderful.

Carter got a new bike.  One with a kickstand and a little bell.
And we brought it home and he hopped right on and rode it away.
It wasn’t so long ago that he was wobbling down the driveway.

As I watched him zoom by, time slowed down and he passed me in slow motion.
And I thought “Wow.  He’s a boy.  A big boy.  An all out scratches-on-both-knees-and-sweaty-hair boy.”

It seems like sometimes time rushes by like a swollen river.
Other times it seems to mosey along, a slow and steady little brook.

But then there are moments that feels like time just hiccups.

One minute you are here.
And then hiccup
Everything has changed.

Same ol’, same ol’.
Same ol’, same ol’.
Same ol’, same ol’.
Hiccup!
He’s a riding-your-bike-down-the-street big kid.

Hiccup!
She can read chapter books.

Hiccup!
He uses words that he didn’t know a week ago.

Hiccup!
She can run fast enough to keep up with the others.

And sooner than I’d please…
Hiccup!
He’s in college.
She’s in high school.
He’s in high school.
She’s in middle school.

Oof.

*****

In semi-related news, Lydia is now a training-wheel-free bike rider.

(One of my favorite parts is at the very beginning when Carter yells, “I know you can do it!”)

 

You’ve got this.

photo 4 300x300 Youve got this.

Sometimes I just have to remind myself:
You’ve got this.
You know what you’re doing.

(You just don’t know that you know.)

And I want to say that that’s okay.
But really it’s not.
Because confidence is what makes you great.
(Not always, but yes…in this it does.)

And I’m striving, stretching to be great.
(Aren’t we all?)

One by one {giveaway} *closed*

photo 1 1024x1024 One by one {giveaway} *closed*

This past Christmas we got a ton of cards.
I love getting cards, especially holiday ones.
And as cheesy as they are, I love the good ol’ family newsletter.

Looking through all the cards, it was nice to celebrate all the new babies as well as the lives of those who passed away.
It brought a smile to my face to see the little girl that was born weeks before Eli should have been born.
I teared up a little when I saw a plump little Santa baby who had been wanted for so, so long and is finally here!

But I never got my act together to send return cards this past December.
I thought about doing New Year’s cards, but I managed to miss that opportunity as well.
So somewhere around January 23 I decided that instead of doing the holiday card thing,
I’d just respond individually to each card we received.
I sat down the next day and wrote three cards.
(And by cards I mean letters smooshed into every available space of a card.)
And then I used real!stamps! and went to the real!post!office! and mailed them.

I told myself that I’d write 3 a week, which would allow me to write back to all of our card senders in a decent amount of time.
One problem: with the novellas I was writing, three a week simply was not happening.
So I decided to set my goal low and anything else I completed was a bonus!
One card a month.  SURELY I can do one card a month, I thought.
I mailed one card each in February and March.
But if I really am going to write back everyone, it’s going to take a lot more than one card a month!
And I started to get a little discouraged because I realized I would never complete my plan.

But yesterday something happened that gave me the umph I needed to send more cards.
I found all of these in my mailbox!

photo 2 1024x1024 One by one {giveaway} *closed*
See?  Each of those cards had a line or maybe two of a handwritten note inside.
And it all of a sudden dawned on me that I didn’t have to write a book – just a few lines.

So I pulled out my stack of cards – some homemade, some store bought – and started writing.
There are a few of you who should be getting cards in the next few days!

photo 3 1024x1024 One by one {giveaway} *closed*

 

This post was written in conjunction with Hallmark’s Tell Them campaign.
Visit them on Facebook and take your vow to Tell Them what they need to hear.

To help one of you Tell Them, I’ve teamed up with Hallmark to giveaway one 10-card pack.
No fancy click-here-do-that-now-do-this entries, just leave a comment below telling me what you’d tell.
All entries submitted before midnight on Thursday, April 5 will be eligible.
One winner will be chosen at random and notified via email.
(That means you have to make sure you leave me a valid email address!)

Winner Tara of Frequent Flyer Family has been contacted!

Sonic Boom

For the past few months, I’ve had this…um…thing going on.
I haven’t tried to keep it a secret.
As a matter of fact, I told anyone who would listen.

Users IveyLeagueMama Documents sonic Sonic Boom

It was a great set-up.
I was asked my opinion.
And I got free stuff for sharing it!

Now, apparently, they want my opinion for free!
I never openly share my opinion on anything.
Ever.
Not meeee.

I knew it would come to an end,
I just didn’t expect the end to be today.

photo2 Sonic Boom

RIP Sonic Free Route 44 Validation Code

A day in the life…

An old friend, or perhaps I should say a long-time friend, called this morning.  She just moved back to town.  ”We moved away because there was nothing to do here.  We moved back for precisely the same reason,” she said.  And I agreed.

I had to cut her off mid-sentence because the baby was fussing.  I should be a pro at dealing with separation anxiety by now, but it’s hard no matter how many times you do it.  Part of me does want to hold her every minute of every day, but it’s just not possible.  I do hold her a lot or strap her on and we go about our day until she falls asleep on my back and oh! I want to lie down so badly, but don’t.

Asa wants to be held, too.  (Sometimes I forget that he’s still a baby, too, in so many ways.)  As I help him climb up into my lap, I lose my grip and I’m not quick enough and he slips right off my leg and hits the floor, knocking his head on the table leg on the way down.  He cried, which is unusual for him.  And I felt bad about it, which is pretty usual for me.  Not that I feel bad all the time, but I feel bad when I cause them to stumble – literally and figuratively.

After a 10 minute snooze, she recharged enough to have her eyes open but not be fully awake.  She fussed and fussed and generally drove me a bit batty.  All day long I went click-click-stop. click-click-stop. click-click-stop. until I finally finished the photography project I was working on.  Whew!  One down, 4 to go.  (The rest can wait until tomorrow.)

Oh and guess what?  She ended up getting sick.  And I felt like a heel for being annoyed with her.

The kids had a friend over after school.  A cute, sassy little girl that always makes me laugh.  And the baby napped (again) while we played outside.  I left all the doors open because I was waiting on a package and I wanted to hear the delivery guy before he tried to ring the doorbell.  I had to sign for it, so I wanted to make sure he knew I was available.  I got the package but I am paying the price for having the doors and windows open in the midst of the Pollen Apocalypse of 2012.  Watery, itchy eyes aren’t good for editing, but gosh it was so lovely out!  Lately we just haven’t been able to stay inside!

A few weeks ago Carter left his bike behind my car and I smooshed it.  I went to the consignment sale while the big kids were at gymnastics to look for one and as I was walking into the door, I saw a boy walking out with a shiny black bike.  Too late.  Or maybe not early enough.  Either way, I didn’t get it.

I really wanted a sandwich from the new restaurant in town.  I called to place my pick up order and said that I didn’t know what the name of the sandwich was, but that I wanted the chicken sandwich with jalapeños and avocados.   “We don’t have a sandwich with jalapeños and avocados.  We have one with jalapeños and guacamole though.”  ”Um……I’ll take that one.”

And when I went in to pick it up, my brother was there with his friends.  The same friends he’s had since high school.  The ones I’ve known since Little League, which – I realize – is how old my kids are now.  Oof.    I love seeing them together  and I love seeing him in his element.  He says something witty and his friend slaps at his arm like you do when something’s really funny but you didn’t expect it at all.   I reach over to grab one of his chips while I wait on my food and try to dip it into his salsa, knowing that he probably double dipped, but I was hungry.  And it was empty.  And so I ate a stale chip and laughed at something someone said and then I got our bags of food and headed home.

Dinner went smoothly with no spilled drinks and no tears.  And they hopped into the bathtub and I made sure they’re washing all the bits and pieces that need washing.  And before I finish with the big two, Marshall got the littles into bed.  I sneak in a little later to the babies rooms to say goodnight, but they are both in deep, deep sleep.  The big kids have a harder time getting to sleep.  There’s just something that seems unfair about having to be in bed before moonrise.

Marshall finishes doing some online research and moves to his chair, getting the DVR ready for the evening.  We watch two shows and then he retreats to our room and I come back to finish one more thing.  Always just one more thing.  But 5:15 this morning was a looooong time ago and I feel wilted.

Oh, but I forgot the part about Asa spraying the dogs with the wrinkle releaser.  They didn’t seem to mind.  And they are just as wrinkly as before.  But they smell nice!

And I forgot the part about Asa calling me from the other room to tell me that he’d pooped on the floor and for a split second I had a heart attack because his poop was bright red.  But then I remembered he’d eaten a red Angry Birds cupcake the day before and so I laughed and cleaned up the mess.

Also?  We’re out of Q-tips.  Which I know you aren’t supposed to use any more but we both do it anyway and we’re out and my ear itches.  A lot.

The Magic of Words

reading silhouette The Magic of Words

Trepidatiously tiptoeing between little kid and big boy,
You haven’t quite let go of Mickey Mouse
But you’ve fully embraced Captain America.

You absorb so many things so quickly.
Your mind swirls with activity
And I am grateful for the opportunity to watch.

The excitement in your eyes and voice when you talk about stars.
The furrowed brow as you take things in and begin to assemble all the pieces in your mind.
The wide-eyed, open-mouthed look of incredulity when the science experiment ended differently than you’d predicted.
These are things I hope I will always be able to recall (although I know all-too-well what time can do to all that is in our head).

You’ve been reading for a while, but lately you’ve really become absorbed in it.
I see your eyes scan each page and you barely even blink.
My heart flutters happily when I think about your fascination with words.

I hesitate to interrupt but we have to go.
You look up, startled.
And I am afraid that I have broken the magic.
But you climb into the car and share the magic with us.

ReadingT lowres 1 The Magic of Words

~linked to just write~

Splash and Smile

We got in the pool.  In March.
Even for Georgia, that’s early.

(Oh.my.stars.  Look at that adorable baby!)

first swim 2012 lowres 1 Splash and Smile

The baby loved it, even if it was a bit cold.

first swim 2012 lowres 6 Splash and Smile   first swim 2012 lowres 5 Splash and Smile

My big boy, who has a love-hate relationship with water, jumped in!

first swim 2012 lowres 1 2 Splash and Smile

My little fish ran straight off the diving board with not a single shred of hesitation.

first swim 2012 lowres 3 Splash and Smile   first swim 2012 lowres 4 Splash and Smile

And my little man splashed and smiled and splashed and smiled.

first swim 2012 lowres 2 Splash and Smile

We had dinner with friends and we talked to real!live!adults!
while the children played hide-and-go-seek.
It was so very nice that we didn’t feel time passing.
And so we came home late and slipped the children into their beds.
Then Marshall and I sat out back on pollen-covered chairs in the cool night air and talked quietly.
And we looked up at what seems to be a vast nothing-ness but is really this massive huge-ness.
That always blows my mind.

Y’all…this is my life!
(Sometimes I just have to say that out loud.)

Scribble and Scrawl

I’ve started a hundred posts in the past few weeks, but have only finished a few.
I’ve been writing a lot, but it’s been on scraps of paper and with crayons and in my trusty leather-bound journal.

I am open and honest here.  But it would be foolish of me to not be a little guarded.
I tell you only what I want you to know, that is true.
(But I also whisper things here that I would never tell you face-to-face.)
That is the beauty and the sorrow of the internet.
We can speak and be heard, but we filter.filter.filter…sometimes until there’s nothing left but empty words.

I don’t (I can’t) show you my unfiltered words.
The ones that are dark and raw.
The ones that only make sense to me.
The ones…the ones that have more meaning than they should.

This morning I re-discovered a phrase that I’d written a week or so ago.
(The actual words are irrelevant, really.)
I barely remember scribbling them down.
A brief swoosh of an idea in my mind.
Moments later, washed away by yet another loud noise or “Mommy, will you…”
(I don’t even remember what distracted me.)

I look at my scrawl and stretch my mind.
No matter…I can’t remember the details.
But I know, I know, that they meant something to me then.
Something important enough to stop what I was doing and hastily scribble on an old envelope.

And so I tuck the wrinkled, Coke-splattered envelope away,
Knowing that I’ll one day stumble across it again.
And maybe then I’ll be ready for its meaning.