Remember this post? The one that was talking about how I was learning to accept compliments? Well, yeah…I’m still not getting much better at that.  People often tell me how much they love my photography; how great a photographer I am.  And I appreciate it.  I really do.  But I have a hard time believing it.  I want to believe it.  I want to believe that I’m good at it.  And I want to believe that people really mean what they say.  But I have a really hard time with it.

But I have to admit that when I look through the lens of a camera, I see things more clearly-literally and metaphorically.  I have my camera set for my eyes.  What you see when you look through my viewfinder isn’t going to be perfectly focused.  That’s because my eyes(even after Lasik) aren’t perfectly focused, and I’ve adjusted my viewfinder accordingly.

What, metaphorically, do I see better through a camera lens?  The old adage is true, I guess; a picture really is worth a thousand words.  For example, when I look at this picture of Lydia:

I see my little princess.  That’s obvious.  What you can’t see (but I can) is the silly face I had to make to get that smile.  I see that little gap between her baby teeth, and I realize that it probably won’t be there this time next year.  And I see her perfectly formed curls that curl beautifully all on their own.  And I see her cute little toes scrunched up on the concrete, even though there not even close to being in this shot.  I notice the little spec of red behind her arm.  And I know it’s the geranium that we picked out together.

And I see this picture:

and I see a Carter that we don’t get to see very often.  He’s usually all grins and giggles, but I love the intent look in his eyes here.  I love that you can see the remains of chocolate on his lip, even though we’d eaten it hours before.  I love how he’s wearing the sunglasses that he wore for three days straight, but pulled them up long enough to look at me.  Really look at me.  I love how I know that he was wearing the top of his favorite pj’s.  And I love that I can remember that we were outside and he didn’t have on pants and he didn’t see that as a problem.  And, this may sound ego-centric, but I love the way that I can see me in him.  No, literally; look at my reflection in his glasses!  🙂

And I can’t forget Mr. Asa.

I know that he’ll never be this little again.  And I see the little crack on his lip…I’d already forgotten it was ever there.  And his eyes.  Oh, his eyes.  Will I look back at this picture with him some day and say, “Look…your eyes used to be slate gray”?  They’re getting darker every day.  And will I tell him about the seat he’s sitting in for this picture?  His jumper-seat that he happily bounces around in all day long.  And that toothless grin won’t be toothless for much longer.  (I hope!)

I say all of that to say this…I’m glad that people like my pictures.  I’m glad that people have confidence in me.  But, as with any picture, it’s not the picture that really counts.  It’s the memories that go with the picture.  Those little things you can’t capture, you can’t see with your eyes no matter how clear or focused or perfect the shot is.

I’m photographing a wedding this weekend.  I’ve never taken on a project this big.  I’m nervous as all get-out, scared to death.  When I think about it, I kinda want to throw up a little bit.  (No, I’m not pregnant.)  So, since this blog is my therapy…I decided to a) remind myself that I can take good pictures, and b) beg you guys to give me a little self-esteem boost.  Pleeeeeease?  🙂  I know that asking people to sing your praises kinda defeats the purpose.  And it’s not really a very cool thing to do.  But I’m doing it anyway.  Give a girl some love?  I’ll return the favor one day, I promise!