That’s what the little cursor is doing. Blink…blink…blink…blink…
And I sit and stare at it, and nothing happens.
I’ll have a post in my head, but it won’t come out.
Or I’ll write a post and decide not to actually post it.
Anissa’s stroke has shaken me.
The funeral I went to yesterday (the one for the 6-week old baby, with the tiny little white casket and paul-bearer handles) has shaken me.
A friend’s cancer diagnosis has shaken me.
And I’m thinking a lot.
And praying a lot.
And living and breathing.
And enjoying life, appreciating it more than I usually do.
But I can’t put it into words.
One moment, after hearing a particularly touching sermon, I’m on a spiritual high.
And then a funeral. For a six-week old. A child I’d never met. The child of a guy I knew way back when, but haven’t talked to in years.
And then my faith seems to not be at a low point, but to be gone.
But then I read something that Peter has written about Anissa. His strength, his courage, his love, his faith.
And my heart soars again.
Spiritual highs and lows, oscillating so quickly that I don’t even know where I stand.
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Starting next week, I’ll be participating in the {W}rite of Passage Challenge. They did a trial run this past Monday, but I didn’t get my junk together enough to start it then. It’s just a group of bloggers encouraging each other to not only write, but to write well. And boy, oh boy…I may have bitten off more than I can chew after seeing a list of the other folks who are doing this.
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I’m also busy over here, taking the 31 Days of Giving Challenge. (I apparently love a good challenge so much that I create my own.) Please come join us. It’s fun to give something every day!
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One last thing: make sure to come back tomorrow if you love music! In lieu of an actual post, I’m going to be doing another giveaway. (Possibly the last one on this site.)
You are a very good writer! Thank you for sharing the above. These are good words in a time when words often don’t work (grief, shock, doubt, angst, argh). Thank you.
oh bridget, thank you. thank you for putting (beautifully as always) into words what’s been weighing on my heart. i couldn’t bring myself to go to the funeral yesterday. i knew i’d not be able to get the image of that tiny coffin out of my head…so i avoided it altogether. what a coward am i, right? i feel like i’m coming unglued already, though, and just didn’t have it in me to push myself closer to the brink.
it’s been a long time since the holidays have been flooded by such conflicting emotion for me. i’ve tried to focus on how that angst is making me much more in tune with the things that matter right now…probably a positive thing this season. i’ve tried to write about that very angle, but i can’t find it all just yet. maybe eventually.
Take your time my friend. Give yourself space. It’s okay. Promise.
Huge hugs.