I know that it’s just the pregnancy hormones.
I know that it’s why I’m tired and grumpy and weepy.
(Oh, how I hate being weepy.)

I know that it’s what is causing the headaches.
I know that it’s what is making me feel like I can’t keep up.
I know that it’s the stupid friggin’ hormones that make me all dark and twisty.
I know it.

And yet?
I can’t do anything about it.
I can’t stop it.
I can’t fight it.

And I want to.

I want to for myself,
for my family,
for my kids.

They deserve better than this.
You deserve better than this.

No one deserves my sour attitude and cranky disposition.

When I get like this, I tend to shut down.
I shut out other people because I know how easy it is for me to snap mean, hurtful things.
Things that I don’t even mean.
Things that in some ways I regret.
But in some weird, crazy way…it’s satisfying.

And I absolutely hate when I feel that way, when I do that.

But really?  You want to know what the worst part is?
The trying to be bright and shiny.
The trying to smile and be happy.

I’m not new to this.
I know how to fight.
I know what to do.

But that doesn’t make it any easier.