Daily Archives: 1:54 am

How to Wash A Car

Step One:
Turn on the water hose and aim it up your brother’s nose.
Continue spraying everyone until they are all completely soaked and crying.

Step Two:
Take one of those rags by the soap bucket and dunk it in the soapy water.
Whatever you do – don’t wring it out.
It is imperative that you make it as heavy as possible!!
This way when you sling it over your head it will have maximum slap-a-bility when it pops across your mother’s face.

Step Three:
Make sure you draw plenty of pictures in the dirt first.  Get it goooood and streaky.
Then do not actually wash any of it off when you swoosh the rag in random shapes all over the van.
Also make sure your mom is smack dab in the middle of washing a window before you spray the water onto said window.
(It’s the perfect way to catch her off guard and leave her choking and gagging on soapy car wash water.)

Step Four:
Convince your sister that she needs a helmet while washing “for safety purposes”.

Step Five:
Watch mom rinse of the van while you pee in the woods.
Giggle and loudly yell, “You’re watering the car just like I’m watering the bushes!”

Step Six:
Sit on the steps with your soaking wet, pantless brother and your helment-on-her-head-for-safety-purposes sister
And enjoy a classic summer favorite: Push Pops