I’m sorry. (Again).

The moment it came out of my mouth, I knew I shouldn’t have said it.
You flinched ever-so-slightly but then brushed it off.
I felt horrible, but in the wave of frustration I brushed it off too.

I was still working when you went to bed and I didn’t even get to say goodnight.
That doesn’t happen often and it breaks my heart for the Mamas and Daddys who don’t get to give kisses every night.
There is so much good in our lives, and I am so grateful for your sweet spirit –
Tender yet resilient, gentle but assured.

Even though you were asleep, I couldn’t go to bed without apology.
And so I crawled into the bed and you wrapped your arms around me.
Your left hand landed in that little space between my neck and shoulder.
And it lay there so lightly that I could barely feel it without trying.

I matched my breaths to yours.
And breathed in your little boy smell.
Sooner rather than later you’ll object to the smell-good shampoo I love.

I was so harsh.
And it was wrong.
I’m sorry.

(Parenting is so much easier when you are asleep.)

 

*Linking up with Just Write.*

7 Responses to I’m sorry. (Again).
  1. Carla
    February 14, 2012 | 12:46 am

    You are an amazing mom!

  2. jubilee
    February 14, 2012 | 2:26 am

    “Parenting is so much easier when you are asleep”

    A truer statement was never spoken!

  3. Upstatemamma
    February 14, 2012 | 10:13 am

    I have been there. On really hard days I sneak into my kids’ rooms at night and get a few extra snuggles in. Parenting is much easier when they are asleep. đŸ™‚

  4. Adventures In Babywearing
    February 14, 2012 | 2:07 pm

    If I could be who I am when they are asleep, all the time, that would be wonderful. It’s always such a clarifying and humbling time each day. So thankful for new mornings.

    Steph

  5. Bea_OT
    February 14, 2012 | 2:14 pm

    So true!

  6. monica peapod
    February 14, 2012 | 10:02 pm

    parenting is surely the most challenging gig i’ve ever had. i fail miserably some days and feel triumphant others. our kiddos know we love them, though. they really do. don’t be too hard on yourself. (and throw this back at me when i need it, mkay?)

  7. LivE
    February 18, 2012 | 5:06 am

    as a mom of 5 boys, i’ve been down that same path myself. in the midst of all my remorse and guilt, a very good friend told me something i’ll never forget: she said “never forget that God gives every child the best parent he can have. of all the women in this big wide world, you, even with all your little mistakes, are still the best mom for him.” children are awesome – they love us, no matter what, and they so easily forgive us, and i think a big part of that is because in their heart of hearts, they know we love them so much too. đŸ™‚