Another last first. Oof.
This time it’s the last first time one of my babies will sleep in a big kid bed.

And then it will be the last first time I drop someone off at preschool.
And the last first time I hold a little hand as we cross the parking lot.
And the last first time I sing “Edelweiss” to one of my children at bedtime.

Oof.
Oof.
Oof.

With Carter, the firsts were ohsovery exciting!
And we celebrated every!single!one!
Now some firsts slip right past me.
But some grasp me hard around the waist and squeeze, stealing every drop of air.
I acknowledge them with a little hat tip and maybe a tear or two,
So determined to remember the moment that I forget to celebrate every!single!one!

I selfishly want to keep the moments for my own, to not share them with anyone.
It doesn’t make sense, I know…but if I don’t tell anyone then it never happened, right?
Maybe, I think, I can even will time to pause, if only briefly.

There was no planning, no prepping this time.
I didn’t move the crib mattress to the floor for a little while so she could adjust.
I didn’t have a big talk with her about moving to a big girl bed.
I didn’t think about where I’d move which piece of furniture to make room.
I just snatched the bandaid off – fast and furious.

I saw her try to climb out of her crib onto the dresser top just yesterday.
Bed assembled this morning.
New mattress acquired this afternoon.
Bed linens washed this evening.
And a little (big) girl snoozing in bed tonight.

The biggest girl so proud to share “her” bed with the little one.
She helped me wipe it up and clean it off and put it together.
She helped me wash the sheets and pulled them warm from the dryer.
She helped me make the bed and carefully place the pillows.
And then she showed off her masterpiece.
The little one grinning beside the big one, my heart nearly popped open wide.

Through cuddles and laughs (and maybe a tear or two), we celebrated.
A baby no more.
It’s bittersweet.