I’m exhausted; like first-trimester-can’t-keep-my-eyes-open exhausted.

I went to the grocery store to get a few essentials and then came home and collapsed on the sofa,
napping on and off for 2 hours.

Thank goodness for Playhouse Disney!!
(I feel slightly guilty at how much TV has been watched the past few days.)

My blood pressure is up.
I’m having twice weekly NSTs.
I have to do another blasted 24 hour urine collection.
(TMI.  Sorry.)
And then Monday’s appointment will bring with it another ultrasound in addition to the NST.

Both Marshall and Carter have birthdays next week.
We are supposed to have Carter’s birthday party this Friday after school.
And I find myself praying that I’ll be able to be here for it.
(Oh the silly things we pray for sometimes…)

It’s not even a big deal of a birthday party.
Painting a few magnets.
Decorating cupcakes.
And drinking Sprite.
(He has mentioned the Sprite more than anything else,
And guess what I forgot to buy…)

On top of everything else, all I really want to do is crawl in a hole and be by myself.
I don’t want to talk to anyone.
I don’t want to go anywhere.
I just want to sleep and read and take long baths.

Is this pregnancy-related or SAD?
Probably some of both.

I can’t focus on anything.
(As you can probably tell from this post.)
I’m cold and I’m tired and I feel bad for complaining.
Because I have so many friends who would give an arm and a leg to be where I am-
To have 3 happy, healthy children and expecting another.

I am so blessed.
There’s no other word for it.
And I know this.
And yet I still complain…
Ugh.
I’m even frustrated with myself.

So while my words are hiding,
Know that I’m reading your emails and texts and messages.
And I really do appreciate it.
I really, really do.

But I need to step away…

Soon enough I’ll find my wit and my words again.
And I’ll quit lurking on Facebook and Twitter.
And I’ll be back to my chatty little self.