They don't teach this stuff in college

(Not really written so much for my regular readers, but for folks looking on post-op information.  Before my surgery, I searched high and low for something like this and found nothing.  So here’s hoping that I can help someone else!)

So most of you know that I had a tonsillectomy last Wednesday.  I had heard many, many horror stories and had been putting it off for years because of all the hullabaloo(yes, I just used the word hullabaloo…face it, it’s a fun word to say!).

Luckily during the time between when I should have gotten it done and when I actually got it done, a new procedure had been developed and perfected.  Also luckily, one of our friends from medical school completed her ENT residency and was more than happy to take me on as a patient.  (Thanks, Melanie!)

So my wicked-smaht friend suggested that we use the new technology and do a coblation tonsillectomy instead of the traditional method.    She warned me that it was really going to hurt, and made me promise that I wouldn’t hold it against her.

And after all the crazy-wild “you’re not gonna die, but wish you were dead” stories that I got from most people, and after Melanie’s warning…I was plain out scared.  Well, not so much scared as petrified; completely mortified that the pain was going to be so bad that I couldn’t tolerate it.  As a matter of fact, I was planning on just making sure I was drugged up enough that I slept through most of the pain.

But, only 12 hours after my surgery, I’m feeling great!  It hurts, of course, but nothing like that round of strep in January that tried to kill me.  I’m taking my antibiotics(liquid) and keeping a low-dose of (liquid) pain meds in my system.  (Why tempt fate by letting that run out unnecessarily?)  But since I’ve gotten out of the hospital, I haven’t thrown up or taken any anti-nausea medications.  (For me, that’s an amazing feat!)

I have also heard that somewhere around Day 3 to 5, it really hits you.  Here’s to hoping “they” are wrong, just like “they” were wrong about how intense the initial pain would be.  Also, most of the info I got was from people who’d had the traditional cut’em out surgery.  Even after looking online for more info on post-op pain, I found very few personal accounts.  (There are plenty of stats out there but stats, after all, are really just numbers.)

So…here’s my running diary of my coblation tonsillectomy.
Each day you’ll see a pain rating.  It is based on this scale.

Surgery Day(Wed):
Pain Rating: 5

• Reported to hospital around 5:45AM, hungry and cold.
  (I’m not a morning person.  I’m even less of a morning person if I can’t eat.)
• Got all the paperwork completed and changed into a gown.
• In the OR “holding tank” by around 7.
• Happy meds….lalala…remember nothing.
• Vaguely remember Melanie coming to me in post-op and telling me that it was a good thing I got them out.
• The good Dr. Seybt goes in to talk to Marshall and my parents.  Tell them that my tonsils were absolutely disgusting and she doesn’t often see tonsils with that much scar tissue on them.
• A bumpy ride from the recovery room to my room leaves me a bit motion sick and I throw up.
  It hurts, but I still have a good bit of anesthesia helping me out, so it doesn’t hurt too much.
• The anti-nausea medication makes me sleepy, and doesn’t help my nausea all that much.
• After throwing up a few more times, I ended up trying to sleep it off.
• I finally brave getting dressed and leave the hospital.
• I sleep most of the day until around 6pm.
• By now I’ve had a couple of popcicles, a pudding cup and some ice cream.
• Marshall and Jesse eat Chick-fil-A, which is just mean, and I sneak one piece.
  It goes down fairly easily, but I know better than to push my luck too much.
• I’m not talking too much, but trying to drink.  Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.
  (I don’t think I’ve ever peed so much in my life!)
• Still not much pain, just wondering when the other shoe’s gonna fall, since all I’ve ever heard were horror stories.
• Can’t seem to sleep now because I slept so much today.

Day 1 Post-Op(Thurs):
Pain Rating: 3 for throat, 6 for body

• Woke up feeling like I’d been hit by a mack truck.  Not my throat, mind you, but my oh-so-stiff body.
  I feel like the surgical staff must have made me do some crazy yoga during my surgery.
  There’s no other way to explain this soreness.
• Realize that the soreness is actually from when I threw up.  I threw up hard and used every muscle in my body.
• Throat doesn’t hurt all that much, but keeping the pain meds going steadily.

Day 2 Post-Op(Fri):
Pain Rating: 3 for throat, 4 for body

• Kept pain meds going fairly steadily.
• Even when pain meds ran out, I didn’t feel horrible.
• Felt good enough to go to the store and buy a notebook.
• Kept liquids and popsicles going non-stop.
• Foods for today: scrambled eggs, soft part of hashbrown casserole, grits, jello, pudding

Day 3 Post-Op(Sat):
Pain Rating: 3

• Mostly same as Friday.
• Tried to do too much on Saturday morning and ended up getting nauseous.
• Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate!!!!
• Food for today: oatmeal, chicken and stars soup

Day 4 Post-op(Sun):
Pain Rating:  3

• Had problems with nausea on and off all day long.
• Slept a lot today.
• Pain not so bad, but nausea was overwhelming at times.
• Inner ear pain is worse than throat pain, but even it isn’t so bad.
• Could ear pain possibly contributing to nausea?
• Ear pain is, I think, coming from the fact that the scab came off the right side.
• I think I have have had some throat bleeding that went down into my stomach, causing the nausea.
• Food for today: oatmeal, pasta with cheese sauce

Day 5 Post-op(Mon):
Pain Rating: 5, 6-7 when pain meds wear off

• Even with pain meds, I don’t feel like talking today.
• I haven’t been drinking like I should so that’s probably contributing to the problem.
• I’m starving, but nothing tastes good.
• If it tastes good, I probably can’t eat it.
• Tried to eat vegetable soup, but the tomato base was too acidic.
• On the up side, I’ve lost 7 pounds since Wednesday.
• Food for today: grits, fresh fruit popcicles, ice

Day 6 Post-op(Tues):
Pain Rating: 6-7

• Coughed a good bit last night, so my throat is raw.
• Throat feels more swollen today than before.
• Scabs on on left side fell off sometime last night.
• Felt good enough to go get my hair done, but by the time I got back home I was exhausted.  From sitting in a chair.  Ridiculous.
• So yeah…BIG DEAL.  Sitting in my bed doing nothing.  Realize that I think my nose is bleeding.  Actually, no…it’s my throat and there’s A LOT of blood in my mouth.  And by a lot, I mean about 200 cc’s(which is, ya know, about the size of one of those little milk cartons you used to get at school).
• Called my husband, who rushed home.  He called my doc. We all three discussed it.
• Conventional wisdom says rush back to the OR and re-cauterize the bleeder.  But there are a lot of docs who say if it’s just one bleeder, see if you can stop it before going back under anesthesia.
• Got it stopped relatively quickly and was super-cognizant about whether I was bleeding at all.
• Even more insistent on staying hydrated.
• No more bleeding and SO very thankful I didn’t have to go back to the OR!

Day 7 Post-Op(Wed):
Pain Rating: 4, even without pain meds

• Went with my dad to the kid’s school for a little while, and it wore me slap out!
• Took a long, long nap and forgot to take my antibiotic.  :-(
• Swallowing easier, throat feels much better but any activity leaves me exhausted.
• Although I’ve lost 10 pounds in a week, I don’t suggest this diet.  I’m starving.
• I am sick sick sick of jello, pudding, soup and other “smooth” foods…but I’m afraid that I have at least 3 more days of  a “smooth” diet.

So my big words of wisdom:
Just take your pain meds on a schedule.  Don’t do it p.r.n.

And BUY PLASTIC SPOONS! Sure, you’ll look at your silverware drawer and think, “I have tons of spoons!”  But when you use nothing but spoons for days on end, you run out faster than you think.

I’ve been told that I can resume picking up my children  after 2 weeks, and that I can try to sing after 4 weeks.

I’ll try to remember to come and update on this post after that (so that all the info will be in one place)!

If you follow me on Twitter or if we’re facebook friends, then you’ve probably figured out that I had my surgery and I didn’t die.

And actually so far it hasn’t been nearly as bad as I expected.  The horror stories that people told me had me scared senseless.

Supposedly the next few days are going to be the worst, so please keep the good thoughts, prayers and such coming this way.

This was a post I wrote last year, but it is one of my favorite posts so I broke it out of the archives.

This year for lent, I am trying to explore various forms of prayer.  I love the idea of prayer: talking to God, listening to God.  But I’m not very good at it.  Often when I sit down and start to pray, my mind begins to wonder.  Instead of actually praying, I usually end up making a to do list for the day, or wondering what in the world that noise in the playroom was and if I should go be a mediator between Thing One and Thing Two.

I bought a book a few weeks ago called Praying in Color by Sybil MacBeth. I’ve read the book and done a few colorful prayers, and it is right up my alley!  It’s really perfect for anyone who likes to doodle.  And after doing one, I feel like I’ve paid more attention than in my usual try-to-put-my-thoughts-into-sentences prayer.  When I’m praying in color, it’s easy for me to focus on one specific thing.  You start out by drawing a shape.  The shape may have some significance(like a heart if you are praying for a newlywed couple, or the shape of a pill if someone is battling an illness) or you can just draw a random shape.  Then you add the name(s) of the person(s) for whom you are praying.  Then you can color it in, and add dots, dashes and lines.  While doing this, try and focus on that person.  Don’t worry about forming coherent thoughts or trying to verbalize a prayer.  Let each penstroke be a prayer.  And then throughout the day, try to visualize the shape you drew for Person A and say a quick prayer for that person.  If you drew a pill shape and then go to take your vitamins, pray for Person B.  It may seem kind of silly to you…I don’t know.  But I’m a visual person, and it helps me.  And its something I can do while my kids are in the room because I zone out(like I’m not able to do while praying “traditionally”).

**Want to try praying in color?  Get the book here!**

This morning I really wanted to do a color prayer.  However, Asa apparently didn’t want me to.    Although I can do it while the kids are in the room, I can’t do it while I’m holding one of them.  So I strapped him on in my sling and went off to do the laundry, hoping to get back to the color prayer before our playdate this morning.  But as I began to pull the laundry out of the dryer, I thought: Why not make doing laundry into a prayer time?  So as I would pull out Carter’s shirt or Lydia’s pjs, I would pray for each of them.  When I pulled out a pair Marshall’s work pants, I prayed that God would give him wisdom with a particular patient’s issue.  With Asa’s bib, I thanked God that he doesn’t have reflux.  Folding Carter’s socks(which doesn’t take long, I know), I thanked God that eventhough his feet are abnormal, he doesn’t seem to be bothered by that.  And with Lydia’s dress, I prayed for the day when I’d see her in a wedding dress instead of little pink dresses with butterflies.  And I prayed for the person she may one day marry.  Each piece of clothing went like that: one piece of clothing, one quick prayer.

So what today began as a Lenten prayer became a “lint”en prayer.  Without looking for new opportunities to pray, I’m not sure I would have found God in the laundry basket.

I fill lots of roles.  I do lots of things.  I go lots of places.

But in all this doing and going and going and doing, I seem to have somehow gotten lost.

For the past few weeks(months, really), I’ve really been struggling with my purpose, my passion.

Once upon a time(not so very long ago),
I was fire-y.
I was quick-witted and funny.
I was someone that other people wanted to be around.

But now?
Instead of being the kind of fire-y that makes you smile, I’m the kind of fire-y that makes you roll your eyes.
Instead of quick wit and jokes, I tend to get stuck in my own mind…unable to verbalize my thoughts.
Instead of being fun and exciting, I struggle to stay awake and make even polite conversation.

In an effort to become more, to do more, to love more…
In an effort to be the best I can be, do the most I can, help as many as possible…
I forgot that I have to make an effort to just be me.

I’m tired.
I’m weary.
I’m worn-down.

Even after a weekend of recharging, I’m dreading the days to come.

Something’s gotta give.

It’s not going to be my children.
It’s not going to be my marriage.
It’s not going to be my friends or my faith or my writing.

Oh, how I need my family and friends and faith right now.
And my writing?  I can’t stop it from coming.
Even when I step away from the computer, the writing is still there, filling page after page in my trusty, battered notebook.
Sometimes the words are my own, sometimes comforting words from others.
Bible verses.  Sacred words.
Scribbled quickly.
Or delicately and patiently drawn and decorated.
Praying in color.
Praying with a hodge-podge assortment of words that sometimes don’t even make sense to me.
Searching.  Longing.  Wishing.  Hoping.  Seeking.

What is my passion?

What stirs my soul?

I’m not sure anymore.

But I’m not giving up.
I’m still listening to that soft voice inside my heart and my head.

I will find me again.

At Blissdom, Amber from the run-a-muck said something in one of the sessions that really resonated with me.
It obviously hit home for a lot of folks because I saw it all over twitter for several days.  She said:

My blog is a good place for you to get to know me, but my blog is also a good place for me to get to know me.

And she’s right.
It’s through my writings and ramblings that I am really figuring out who I am, what I am, and what I’m going to be.