oh, my loves…

I thought I was going to throw up.
I’m still shaking.

I pulled them in close around me,
all except the biggest one.
He wanted to sit where he could see me.

They knew something was wrong.

Sometimes really sad things happen, I said.
And I have something really sad to tell you.
And you will have big feelings when I tell you,
And it’s okay to feel those feelings, whatever they may be.

Oh, my loves…
I wish I could spare you from this moment.
I wish I could wrap you in my arms and hide you
from pain and tears and heartbreak.

As the words slipped from my lips,
one cried,
one wept,
and one held back tears.

She asked questions.
He sat, stunned.

She sobbed and sobbed until she choked on her tears.
Big, fat tears cascaded down his cheeks.

Oh, my loves…
I wish I could give you answers.
I wish I could know what to say to make it better,
to take away the sting of death.

But it is here.
And it is real.
And we will all feel things.
And I want you to know, my loves,
that your feelings will go in and out like the ocean,
and they will catch you when you least expect it,
and sometimes they will squeeze you so hard that you can’t breathe.

But always, always know that your feelings are your feelings
And you are free to feel them.

And if you cry,
it’s okay.
And if you sit quietly,
it’s okay.
If you want to scream,
it’s okay.

But if you want to laugh, that’s okay, too.
Or if you want to smile, that’s okay.
Or if you want to sing, oh my little loves…
Sing.

Music says words that we don’t know how to say.

And I truly believe she’ll hear your song.