Up and Down and All Around

I never knew it was possible for my emotions to be as wild as they have been the past few weeks.
I am so incredibly happy to have the children home with me and we are having a blast.
And, for the most part, we are floating along just fine.  I am learning as much as they are (probably more).
Our schedule is pretty flexible, but I am a list-making rule-follower and I like for everything to be just so.
I like to know what’s coming next and I don’t like it when the the schedule gets turned up-side down.
But in a house with 4 small children, schedules are bound to not only get turned up-side down, but to stay up-side down.
And so I am learning to let some things slide.  And to know which things are okay to let slide.  (That’s the hardest part!)
It’s hard for me to balance work time versus play time.
I have a tendency to want to push on through and play later, and I have to remind myself that they aren’t made for that.
They need time to just play.
They need time to read for fun.
They need time to (gasp!) get bored.
I’m having to set aside my go-go-go and embrace “Be still…”
Y’all?  That’s hard stuff.

The other hard thing is the little people.
I can honestly say that sometimes we follow the schedule to a tee and no one screams or cries or fusses, but that’s not often.
There are moments when the little one shrieks at her big brother while I’m giving a spelling test.
Or I hear “I missed the potty” while I’m in the middle of a science lesson.
Again: hard stuff.
But ultimately I’m grateful that my hard stuff isn’t really all that hard.

And I’ll be honest with you:  It isn’t as hard as I expected it would be.
I expected a lot of things, most of which haven’t come to fruition. (Yet).
I expected that we’d try this and all hate it.
I expected that we’d try it and I’d get frustrated or they’d miss regular school or it just wouldn’t work.
I expected more crying, more whining, more nagging.
And (so far) I just haven’t seen those things.
(Ask me again in two months and see if I’m singing a different tune).

Is our homeschool situation going to be long term?  Probably not.
Is it always going to fit our needs?  I imagine it won’t.
But I’ve been wrong before.
And so my answer is maybe.
We’re doing this now and it is a good thing.
And we’ll keep doing it until it isn’t.
Who knows when that will be…

4 Responses to Up and Down and All Around
  1. Amy Ferguson
    August 24, 2012 | 1:42 pm

    Bridget, It’s like you looked inside my heart and wrote my thoughts and feelings almost every time I read a post. I am not a writer and often fall short when trying to communicate the nuances of this life. I so appreciate your efforts to articulate them. Just wanted to say you are awesome!:-)

  2. Stephanie
    August 24, 2012 | 2:43 pm

    I think you are doing wonderfully. Emotions just enhance experiences.

    Your friend,

  3. Jessica@Team Rasler
    August 24, 2012 | 4:58 pm

    I’ve noticed that because I’m such a list-maker and so scheduled to the minute at work (teaching), that I have a tendency to underschedule at home. When the boys start jumping off the couch, I know it’s time to head out somewhere new or break out an activity we haven’t done in a while. I think I need to find more balance in both settings.

    Meanwhile, as someone who teaches professionally, my hat is off to you that you are willing to do it with your own children. I’m so relieved sometimes to just get to be Mama and not Teacher. On the other hand, I don’t like when they don’t want to sit and learn things from me now that they’re in preschool. I guess I can’t win!

    Anyway, I’m glad that it’s going better than you expected, even though there are *headdesk* moments (that was priceless, btw)!

  4. Jil
    August 26, 2012 | 9:55 pm

    I think the great thing is that you’re trying. You’ll know when it’s time to make a change. Life isn’t meant to always be the same. I guess that’s the thing about following what comes into your heart. I’m so happy for you that it is going well, notice I didn’t say easy. But you’re such a great mom! Way to go!!