Since my kids are only 1, 3, 5, and 7 years old, I don’t know much about tweens and teens, but my friend Heather does!  She has two teenage daughters and offered to share a few things about teens.  Thanks,  Heather!  (Also?  She’s one of my roommates for Blissdom.  I’m leaving right!now! to head to Nashville!!!)

• Having a cell phone, a computer, a driver’s license, and a car are privileges and not rights.  Even if your teenager pays for their cell phone, their computer or their car.  Which, by the way, I highly recommend them having to chip in to pay for these things.
• Try to plan at least one night a week where everyone is home together.  You can watch movies, order pizza, play board games or just connect as a family.  Really listen to your teenager, because chances are if they think you are listening, they will share.
• Don’t jump to conclusions and punish them prematurely.  In our house we want the girls to come and talk to us openly.  When things happen I want them to feel that they can talk to me or my husband.  Listen to everything they have to say and then discuss together what you think the result of these actions may be.  Most of the time they come up with a far worse punishment than I could have thought of.
• Be involved in their school.  While I am not at the middle school and high school volunteering everyday like I did when they were in elementary school, the office staff at both schools know who I am and know that I will take full advantage of their open door policy.
• Don’t buy the supplies that the school sends home.  The middle school and high school teachers always send home a different list and the stuff you bought won’t even be on it.  Yes, they may get extra credit for bringing in some of those things and while it may seem silly to you, sometimes an extra box of kleenex or a bottle of hand sanitizer is the difference between a B and an A.
• Your teenager will be hungry when they get home from school because they used their lunch money to buy gas or soda or are saving it up for something special.  I remember doing the same thing, I am sure you did too.  Just make sure you have lots of healthy stuff for them when they get home.
• Encourage them to get a part time job.  While I know that we would want them to focus on school and extra curricular activities, it is good for them to get a job, even if for a few hours a week.  They will learn new things and have a greater appreciation for your money. Trust me.
• When they want to give something up that they have been doing for a long time (scouts, sports or other activities) let them.  Chances are good that your teen isn’t going to make millions of dollars off of whatever they are doing that they want to give up.  Talk to them and understand why they don’t want to do whatever it is anymore.  As heart breaking as it is for you, know that in the end they will be happier.
• If they are driving make them have a deductible saved up in case they get into an accident.  It helps them to save and teaches them responsibility.  And if they happen to get into an accident, have them use it or part of it to help pay for repairs.  I know that they have worked hard for every dollar they have saved, but you have too….don’t sell yourself short.
• Enjoy the little time you have left with them.  Know that they love you and do respect you, even if it doesn’t always show.

Preschoolers are adorable, there’s no denying that; but they can also be insistent and assertive.  You often hear about the terrible twos, but I honestly find that the threes are much more difficult.  The ‘me-do-it’ stage will drive you insane and don’t be surprised if you end up in the ER getting stitches or a cast.  Their curiosity has no bounds.

A lot of the same tactics that I started using with my toddlers still work for my preschoolers but as they get trickier, you have to get trickier, too!  🙂  Remember that the independence they’re beginning to exhibit is a good thing.  (You might want to tattoo that on your arm.)  Most of these are really common sense, but are things I have to remind myself daily.

• My way may be faster and less messy, but they won’t learn by watching me do it.
• Preschool is a great time to start letting kids help in the kitchen.  Even if it’s just mixing one thing into the bowl, they really feel  like they’ve made a significant contribution.  When they are proud of their creation, they are more likely to taste it…so go ahead and make some homemade granola.
• With my older kids, we didn’t allow them to use a lot of electronic devices until they were a little older.  But we’ve been letting the 3-year-old play a few iphone apps geared towards preschoolers.  The ones he and I both like are Shape Builder, Cars 2, and (of course) Angry Birds.
• When your child seems to be ignoring you, make him or her stop what they are doing and look you in the eye.  It’s hard to ignore someone when you are staring at them.  Be firm and make sure they are understanding.
• We make promises a big deal.  If need the child to do something specific, I make them raise their right hand and repeat after me: “I promise…to not hit my sister…anymore today.”  (It works more often than it doesn’t, but it’s not 100%.)
• When Christmas or a birthday gets close, we play The Gift Bag Game.  Each person takes a gift bag and puts something in it.  You call come back to home base and exchange gifts.  Then each person takes turn opening his or her ‘gift’ and saying Thank You.  They think it’s a lot of fun and you are teaching manners.  Win-win.
• Bubbles.  Just buy the biggest container you can find.  (Or make your own.)
• We don’t ever force our kids clean their plates but when they reach the 3 year mark, we make them eat at least one bite per year old.  So the three year old has to eat 3 bites.  The 5 year old has to eat at least 5 bites.  Seven year old, 7 bites.   (For our 3 year old, that first bite is the hardest.  Then he usually forgets that he only has to have three bites and gobbles up most of his food.)
• We go on lots of ‘nature walks’ (i.e. wander around the backyard) and pick up ‘treasures’ (aka leaves, acorns, pine needles, etc).  Sometimes we even glue our treasures onto pieces of paper to display.  One of my favorite nature art projects was using leaves and sticks to make tree art.
• Now that your child is old enough to talk to you (somewhat) and do things (somewhat), your child can really get into doing fun activities and crafts.  My two favorite go-to blogs for preschoolers are No Time For Flash Cards and Impress Your Kids.  Allie and Amanda are top notch moms with great ideas.  At Impress Your Kids, Amanda shares some really great ways to teach your children about God and faith and she does a great job breaking things down to an understandable level.

Tomorrow I’ll be tackling elementary school and then my blog-friend Heather will be talking about tweens and teens on Wednesday.
And by then she and I will both be in Nashville.  Woo-hoo!

There are hundreds – probably even thousands – of lists of things that you should know before you have a new baby.  You should know about back sleeping and car seat safety and how to feed your baby, but what about the hundreds of other little things there are to learn?  These are things I wish someone had told me and are based entirely on my(our) experiences.  These aren’t concrete facts, just things that would have been helpful to know ahead of time.

• Go ahead and learn about the “Free Wipe Diaper Swipe”.  When you’re changing a dirty diaper, use the clean(ish) front flap of the diaper to take care of that first swipe of poop.  Wipes aren’t all that expensive, but I’d rather save as many as possible.  (Besides, you might need it to get deodorant off of your dress or clean the bathroom.)  (Also?  This doesn’t work as well with cloth diapers.)
• Certain brands of diapers have little yellow lines running down the center of them.  They turn blue when they are wet.  Sounds silly until you find yourself sniffing a diaper in the middle of the night.  (And your doctor will probably ask you how many wet diapers your baby is making per day, so you’ll want to keep a tab at first.)
• Some babies love to be swaddled.  Some hate it.  But go ahead and learn how to make a baby burrito before (s)he arrives just in case.
• Baby girls may have vaginal discharge or even some bleeding.  WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THIS?  It doesn’t happen to every little girl, but it is normal if it does.  Just wipe it away and don’t freak out.
• Baby girls and baby boys might have some discharge from the nipples.  Once again, it doesn’t happen with every child but it’s not abnormal if it does occur.
• Clothing sizes are a joke.  For some brands, ‘6 months’ means 3-6 months.  For some it means 6-9 months.  And then others are just straight up wrong.  (In my experience Carter’s brand seems to be most accurate.)
• Also…girl’s dresses can be used for a much wider window of time.  Lydia got a size 4 bishop dress when she was 2.  It was long on her(ankle length), but she can still wear it now.  Some girl dresses can become adorable swing tops if you just add pants or leggings.
• Let a friend keep your baby while you run to the grocery store.  You will feel like a different person after getting out for even 20 minutes.  People want to help and while they may not do things exactly like you do, it’ll be okay for just a little while.
• Breastfeeding is hard.  Your nipples crack and bleed, and for some people it just.doesn’t.work.  Do your best to make it work, but don’t feel like a failure if you can’t.
• Enjoy the newborn-ness.  Not just the sweet smell and the adorable tiny clothes and the wonderful cuddles, but also the fact that they sleep quite happily in their carseat when you need to go out.   Feed him/her, strap them in, and then run your errands or go eat lunch.  The window of opportunity is small, but I promise it’s easier to go out to eat with a newborn than it is with a one year old.
• Sometimes babies don’t quite have this pooping thing down pat.  You may have to help them out.  I’ll spare you the details, but it involves lube.  Your doctor can give you detailed directions.
• No matter what you do or how you do it, some one will tell you that you’re doing it wrong.  Ignore it.  Do your research (if you want) and go with your gut.

Oh…and it’s not all about the baby.  What about postpartum you?

• Embrace the mesh panties.  When you leave the hospital, take the extras home with you.
• You will bleed for.ev.er.  (Or at least it will seem like it.)
• Breastfeeding is not a form of birth control, so um…keep that in mind.
• Of course, having a baby ripped out of your groin is fairly good birth control for at least a few weeks months.
• Remember yesterday when I said your girly bits will never be the same.  Yeah.  That.
• The baby blues might suckerpunch you.  Punch back and call your health care provider if it seems like more than just a little sad day or two.

What postpartum things did you not expect?
What did you learn about newborns in those first weeks that you’d never heard before?

This week I’m doing a parenting series on things I wish someone had told me before I had kids.  (It’s possible that someone did indeed tell me these things and I just wasn’t listening.)  I do not claim to be a parenting expert (not even close), so take what I say with a grain of salt.  Everything you see here is based on my experiences.  Yours may be different…and if so, I’d love to hear about it!

Today I’ll be talking about the things that no one ever tells you about pregnancy, these things that you won’t find in the informative weekly prenatal newsletters you have delivered to your inbox.  (I’ve touched on some these before, but it’s been a while.)

• Your girly bits will never be the same.  (Go ahead and start preparing yourself now.)
• Neither will your boobs.
• You will probably pee on yourself.  Sometimes it’ll happen when you cough, other times it will just happen.
• Buy a Bella Band (or something comparable).
• And a body pillow.
• Research but don’t obsess.  About pregnancy symptoms.  What carseat to buy.  Cloth or disposable.  Epidural or drug-free.  Bottle or breast.  Just make a decision and run with it.
• Be prepared to buy bigger shoes.  My feet got fairly swollen during each pregnancy and grew and average of 1/2 size with each child.
• Follow the ‘rules’ if you want.  But don’t feel like eating soft cheese or lunch meat will automatically hurt your baby.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  I followed all the ‘rules’ with my first baby and he was born with 8 toes.  I didn’t worry about the ‘rules’ with the other pregnancies and they were fine.  That being said, use common sense!
• You will cry over the oddest things, get pissed off by things that normally make you happy, and periodically question your sanity.  Pregnancy hormones are cuh-ray-zee, not you.  Just stay aware of the fact that it’s the hormones and try not to freak out the people around you.
• Okay…well, maybe you are crazy.  But it’s only temporary.  And just being aware is half the battle.  Find a friend who can listen and share your crazy with them.  It makes it much easier to handle that way.
• If your symptoms don’t fit the books or don’t follow the timelines that you see online, don’t worry.  Every pregnancy is different.
• You are the perfect size and so is your baby bump.  Some people start showing when they are 10 weeks along and some people don’t show until well after 20 weeks.  Some people look like they are about to pop when they are only 30 weeks and others get to delivery day looking like they’re only a few months along.  Remember, every pregnancy is different.

What did I leave out?  I’m sure there are tons of things that I’ve forgotten!  What surprised you about pregnancy?