I hate to wake her.
But that’s the curse of being the baby in a big family.
You are at the mercy of every one else’s schedule.

I slip into her room quietly, hoping for a few minutes to catch my breath,
But I look at her chest rhythmically rising and falling and it takes my breath away.
No matter how many children you have, this never gets old.

I place my hand on her back and she looks up and smiles.
I pick her up and she nestles in and gently pats my arm.
And my heart is full.

*****

Tears in his eyes, he looks up at me for reassurance.

“I don’t want to do it anymore.”

“But you promised that you would and now you have to.
It’s too late to find anyone else.”

Leaning into my side, he shudders and my heart breaks a little for him.

We get to church and he won’t even come down the stairs.

But we practice and Mr. Randy makes him laugh and pretends he is invisible.
And it works!
He’s at ease.

And he grabs the pillow and plays the part he was given to play.
“Speak, Lord.  Your servant is listening.”

And a star is born.

*****

He crawls into my bed and skootches up close.
“Mommy…”
“You will ho’ my hand?”
He laces his fat little fingers in mine,
Closes his eyes and sighs.

“Mommy…”

“Yes?”

His voice is so tiny in the dark.
It sounds so tender that I expect him to say I love you.

“Will you get my boogers ou uf my nose wif a tissue?”

*****

Sometimes she seems so big, but when I really listen I hear how small she is.
I record her voice because I want to remember it, every little nuance.

“Here comes Mommy and Alden…sittin’ in a tree.  K-Y-R-S-I-N-G.
First comes love, then comes Mary.
Then comes Aldie in a baby carriage.”

It doesn’t matter that the syllables were all wrong.
Or that I was krysing the baby.
It was absolutely perfect.

*****

Oh, how I love them…