Daily Archives: 10:20 am

This is not about pencils.

I sharpened a whole box of pencils just because I wanted to.
I like the smell of pencils.
I like the little rippled shavings.
I like the perfectly pointy tips.

But after I sharpened 24 pencils I wondered why.
I never, ever use them.

I type.
I like the clickity-click of the keyboard,
The sound of my nails brushing the keys.
I love how fast the words spill forth
(and yet they still can’t keep up with my mind).

But you know what I like most?
Deleting.
When I write with a pencil
(or heavens-to-betsy a pen!)
and I make a mistake?
You see it.
You can see the scribble-through,
The shadows of letters gone awry,
The dust of words now wiped away.

I know I’m not a perfect writer,
But I want you to think I am.
And so I type it up all neat and pretty
With (hopefully) no mistakes.

I know I’m not a perfect mother,
But I want you to think I am.
And so I dress my kids neat and pretty
With (hopefully) no snotty noses or dirty hair.

I know I’m not a perfect woman,
But I want you to think I am.
And so I put on make up and fix my hair
With (hopefully) no dandruff showing.

I know I’m not a perfect person,
But I want you to think I am.
And so I get up each morning and put on my mask
And (hopefully) you can’t see the real me.
Actually…
I hope you do see through it all.
And actually…
I hope you see that I’m not perfect.
I never will be.
And hopefully you’re ok with that.
Because I’m still learning to be ok with it myself.
(And not worry about what you think.)
(Hopefully.)