Your first day of Kindergarten.  Your first day of “big school”.  You are so, so ready.  (I am, too!)  We walked into the brand new school and you led the way to your classroom.  You feel safe here already.

How did you get so big?  When did it happen?  I thought I was watching, savoring it all…but sometimes the biggest changes in life are actually just a culmination of gradual little changes.  And somehow in all the watching and waiting, I missed it.  I missed the moment when you became a real “big” kid.

We dropped off your stuff in the classroom and headed to the cafeteria for breakfast.  I showed you how to go through the line.  How to get your napkin, your milk, your tray.  We found you a seat and I realized that you had never seen a milk carton.  After showing you how to open it, we started to walk away.  ”Bye, buddy!  We love you!”  ”Bye!”  And it wasn’t until I reached the door that I heard you running up behind me.  ”I need a straw”, you said with tears brimming in your eyes.  ”Baby they don’t have straws here.  Just drink out of your carton.”   “But I need a straw.”  ”Well, they don’t have straws, babe.”  ”But…but…but…”  You cling to me.  This isn’t really about straws, is it? Walking back to your seat, I show you how to drink milk out of carton and then we really leave.  You wave and although I think I can sense a little hesitation in your goodbye, you mean it this time.

I have to admit that I was a bit caught off guard by having to leave you sitting alone in the lunchroom.  I didn’t expect to leave you without a specific adult being in charge of you.  A lot of other parents stayed until their child(ren) had finished breakfast, but we had to go take Lydia to her school.  I am confident that you figured it out.  I know that there were plenty of adults in there, but it still felt weird.  I hope you figured out what to do with your trash and how to get back to your room.  I can’t wait to hear all about it this afternoon.

*********

Confident, you chatter away on the way to school.  You tell me and your dad that God is following you to school, but when we ask what you mean, you brush us off.   I can’t help but wonder if it’s true that children are closer to God than adults.  Somehow I feel the answer is yes.

Quiet, but still with a pep in your step, you walk down the hall.  ”I see the ladybug, Mommy!” And we find your name and hang up your bag.  Walking in the door, you squeeze my hand a little tighter and I can feel the anxiety begin.  ”Hey, babe.  Why don’t we go color? Look!  Mrs. H already has crayons out.”  I say a few things that make you giggle, get a kiss and start to head out the door.  And I see the tears beginning to well in your eyes.  Trying so hard not to cry that you can’t even speak…I know, little one.  I know.  I know how it feels.  You come in for one last hug and nestle into that sweet spot just inside my neck and I breathe in your sweet smell and take a mental picture.  For all the pictures that I take, some of my favorite ones are only in my head.

I leave you behind, crying.  I feel a little guilty about it, but I know you will be fine without me.  You are strong.  You are “big”.  And you did, after all, tell me that God was with you.

*********

Asa is searching for you both.  He keeps wandering down the hall and knocking on your doors.
We’re gonna have a big day, he and I.  And I can’t wait to pick you guys up and find out all about your day.
But first?  I’m gonna take a nap.  :-)

I love you both!
You are my sunshines.

And I do miss you…a little.

Love,
Mommy

A year ago today, I was dressed up and ready for my first big blogger event.

A year ago today I met Casey and Emily, and fell in love with them both immediately.

A year ago today I found out that Chicago is my new favorite city!

A year ago today I had no clue I would be atop the ferris wheel on the Navy Pier
taking one of my favorite pictures of all time.

I entered this photo into Aimee’s monthly photo contest and was chosen as a finalist!

There are a lot of other amazing photographs, and I’m glad that I’m a part of this group.

But if you could take a moment and click here and vote for me, I’d really appreciate it.
Voting ends Friday at noon!

For nearly a year I have taken a picture every.single.day.

I must admit that there are some pictures that are completely void of any inspiration and I hate them.

But there are some others that I really, really love.

And there are moments that never would have been captured if I hadn’t been doing this self-imposed project.

Here are a few recent ones that make me smile.

Preparing for Greatness

Pure

Rockets Red Glare

The Littlest Ivey

You can see all of my project 365 pictures and much more on my Flickr page.

Dear Asa,

You fell asleep at church today.  (That never happens.)  And not just asleep, but dead-to-the-world-with-floppy-arms-and-snoring kind of asleep.  And as your dad placed you in my arms, I was overwhelmed at the weight of your body.  I may carry you a lot, but you’re usually awake and holding yourself up.  I could feel your deep sleep breaths on my chest and I felt like our hearts were in sync.  I closed my eyes and drew in every bit of your smell and let it flood my senses.  I want to remember this, I thought.  I want to remember this forever.  You are my baby-my sweet, sweet baby.  And no one can deny that you are special to me.  Your smile is perfect, and I love how your big belly laugh is almost a growl.  And I love it.  And I love you.

You’re a whole lot of silly grins and giggles, sprinkled with a dash of seriousness every now and then.
I love your serious look.

You are very inquisitive and curious, much like your big brother.

In the last week, you’ve busted out with a few new words: flower, no, moah(more), mah(mine), mlk(milk), and my personal fave uh-oh.

And you can “sing” the ABC song from start to finish.  Who cares if it’s just a mesh of sounds instead of the right letters?

You really crack me up with the head shaking.  We’ll ask you a yes or no question, but it seems that you just randomly shake your head with no idea which means yes and which means no.

You’re Mr. Tough Guy.  Instead of kisses, you prefer to give head butts.  Which is fine when I’m expecting it and prepared to stop you, but you’ve busted my lip a few times already.

I love the “ooohhh” face you make.  So overly animated that it makes me giggle every time.

Happy 18 months(a few days late), my long-lashed little dude!

I can’t wait to get you by yourself for a photo shoot!  :-)

Love,

Mommy

We went on vacation week before last.
Which was great, but exhausting.

We had Vacation Bible School this week.
Which was great, but exhausting.

We had swim lessons this week, too.
Which was great, but exhausting.

And we found out about this.
Which is great, but exhausting.

Yes…I just posted a picture of something I peed on.
I swore I’d never do it, but oh well…

The kids are convinced it’s a girl.
Carter wants to name her Rachel.
Lydia wants to name her Pansy.
I don’t want to name him or her either of those,
So we’ll see how things go.

**There are a few of you I wanted to tell in person…you know who you are…but once the littles knew, I couldn’t keep their mouths shut.  I’m sorry.  I luffs you!**

P.S.  This is the last one.          I hope.

P.P.S.  Happy Father’s Day yet again, Marshall!  I love you!