I posted every day for 30 days!  Are you proud of me??  I’ve had fun, but I have to admit that it’s incredibly hard to keep it up.  I feel like out of the 30 posts, I only had a handful of really good ones.  With the others, I feel like maybe I was just wasting some cyber-space.  I probably won’t take the NaBloPoMo challenge again, but it was fun.  The best part was getting comments and emails from you all.  It’s always fun to see who reads my ramblings.

The next few days, I’ll probably be taking a break from blogging…unless something big happens on the baby front.  When I’m back, I promise to get pictures up of the gingerbread house we made with my mom, and I hope to have the “outtakes” from our Christmas card photo shoot. 

With today being the first day of Advent and tomorrow being the first day of December, my hope for you all this Christmas season is that you may be able to enjoy the season and all the many opportunities it offers, but also to slow down and enjoy it the little moments, and the real “reason for the season”.  One of my favorite quotes comes to mind this time of year:  “Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were big things.”

Our tree is up and the lights are now on it, but still no ornaments.  It’s kinda beautiful with just the white lights.  The only problem: I think I may be allergic to it.  I’ve sneezed and wheezed and blown my nose until it’s raw.  Tucker has, too.  So I’m hoping it’s something else in the air and not the tree…because I love live trees and I’d hate to have to give that up.

We had a great, lazy day today.  My mom and dad kept the kids again last night(have I mentioned how much I LOVE living close to them again???), and I was able to sleep late this morning AND read in bed.  What a treat!

After I got up and dressed, I went over to my parent’s house and we made a gingerbread house, which the kids thought was really cool.  I do have pictures, but I haven’t downloaded them off my camera yet.  I’ll try to do that tomorrow so that you all can see our work of art!

After that, we lounged around the rest of the afternoon.  We were even able to play outside for a while because a) it wasn’t cold and b) it wasn’t raining like it was supposed to be! 

Anyway, I’m off to end my day the perfect way: Snuggling with my sweeties while they finish watching the classic Rudolph movie.

A few years back I saw an idea in a magazine that I liked.  I can’t remember what magazine it was, but I remembered the basics.  You make a tree out of boring old brown paper, and put it up on your wall.  Then you cut out leaves to affix to the tree, and on each leaf you write something for which you are thankful.  At the end of the day, it’s fun to go back and see what everyone else wrote.  I didn’t do this earlier because the kids weren’t old enough to really get into it, but I thought they would be this year.

Well, my paper-tree-making skills aren’t as super-awesome as the paid artist at the magazine, and I didn’t really want to put tape up on my new walls.  So, I did the best I could to make a tree and put it on the pantry doors(you see it right as you come in the back door).  It’s already beginning to fall with the added weight of all the leaves, but the kids had fun coming up with things they loved or are thankful for…and they really loved taping stuff on the “wall”.

Here’s a view of our “Thankful Tree”. 

On the base, there are all the names of our family members(immediate and extended, including #3A) and our pets.  They are, after all, the main thing we are thankful for this time of year.

Here are what the leaves say:
From Bridget-sunshine, books, my super-awesome new bathtub, Woolite Fabric Cleaner(it works wonders on our white fabric dining room chairs), instant fire, the sound of giggles, my dogs, Jesse, Noelle, Ella, The Jester’s, washable crayons(that wipe right off the wall with a wet wipe!), quiet

From Marshall-my Dawgs, our families, good job, football, our home

From Tucker-Daddy, apple juice, chocolate milk, a house with windows and blinds, my tall friend Gramama, Lightning McQueen, Ramon and Flo

From Emmie-food, black, princesses, my favorite Christmas princess movie, Emmie, Mommy

From Gramama(my mom)-grandchildren, beautiful fall leaves, hugs & kisses, bread & butter, a cool breeze, my parents, naps, music

Pops(my dad)-my knee is doing well(he had knee surgery less than a week ago)

Teddy(Marshall’s brother)-my family, Steak n’ Shake

Richard(my brother)-Bruce, Lester and Jang-a-lang(his pets)

Nana(my grandmother)-my church, my family, salvation

Papa(my grandfather)-God and all His blessings

What are YOU thankful for??

A year ago today I was wearing a purple sweater with freshly purchased maternity jeans and a pewter flower necklace.

A year ago today I went to work despite my aching abdomen and hoped that no one could tell that I was hurting.

A year ago today I knew before I actually knew that something was wrong, but I wasn’t ready to admit it.

A year ago today I called my OB’s office and talked with her nurse, who convinced me to come oin for an ultrasound just to be sure everything was ok.

A year ago today my heart stopped when I realized that the tiny heart inside of me had also stopped.

A year ago today I cried as my husband and my doctor took turns hugging and comforting me.

A year ago today I sat in my OB’s office as arrangements were made for a D&C.  I’d seen them done before, and I knew the drill from the medical perspective.  Very little was said because I already understood the process logically.  And there are no words to express the process emotionally.

A year ago today I went down to pre-op alone so that Marshall could go home and gather the things that I would be needing.  I was both tormented and relieved to be alone.  I wanted to be held, but I also wanted time to process it all.

A year ago today good friends and my family came to check on me, help with the kids, and do whatever they could.  I’ve rarely felt so loved in all my life.

A year ago today my OB came in to tell me it was time for the D&C, and before I knew it I was in recovery.  I t was still and quiet there because it was Thanksgiving Eve, and almost everyone else had gone home.

A year ago today I came home with my family and I wrote this post.  I sat at my desk and typed and cried for well over an hour, probably more.

A year ago today my heart was broken, but by the grace of my God who loves me more than I love that little baby…I began the healing process right then and there.

And now today I am 34 weeks into a new pregnancy.  It’s been a hard one, but everytime I complain I remember the pain of not being pregnant this time last year.  And my heart hurts for those who have had multiple miscarriages or who have wanted, but never been able to feel the kick of life inside their womb.

And these days I am often achy and exhausted, but excited that in just a few short weeks I will be able to meet the baby we affectionatly call #3A.

And these days I still often think about Elijah Ellison Ivey and who he would have been, could have been.  He would be about six months old by now-squealing, smiling, kicking.  And I am sad that I will never know him like I know my other kids.  But I suspect that he’ll always be a part of who I am, who I have become, and who I will be.

So…little Eli, I’ll never forget you, and you’ll always be in my heart.  I’m sure I’ll always wonder what it would have been like had things gone differently.  And I’m sure I’ll always miss you.  But I won’t be sad beacuse I do believe in God, and I do believe that you are with Him.  The Lord bless you and keep you, and make His face shine upon you…and give you peace(from Numbers 6).

Most of you have probably seen this before, but I got it once in an email and I thought I’d share it here.  (I would love to give the author credit here, but I couldn’t find out who wrote it…)

Changing Attitudes for 1st, 2nd and 3rd Babies
Your Clothes
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don’t bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn’t do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn’s clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean & discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?

Worries
1st baby: At the first sign of distress–a whimper, a frown–you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Diapering
1st baby: You change your baby’s diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Pacifier
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

I was a nanny for a long time before I actually had kids of my own, so I don’t quite relate to some of these.  I was careful and cautious with other people’s kids, but by the time my own came around, well…I never took a birthing class or practiced breathing.  I signed up for the epidural the moment I walked in the door.  I let my kids “cry it out” more than I probably should have.  As a matter of fact there were plenty of times I would make sure they were safe…and either get in the shower or go outside for a few minutes.  I got really bad about remembering to change diapers until I’d notice that they were sagging, had soaked through, or had exploded and left “pee crystals” all over the place.  I’ve scared more than one teenage babysitter by saying, “Don’t call me unless someone is dead or dying.”  I’ve sacred more than one other parent by telling them who I had lined up to babysit. (You’re going to let fill-in-the-blank keep your kids????)

BUT one thing that I’ve always been pretty good about is making sure that the nursery is ready.  With my first, it was painted and decorated, ready and waiting months in advance.  With Emerson things were even easier to get ready.  Since she was going to be sharing a room with her “big” brother(only 19 months old at the time), there wasn’t a whole lot we had to do other than move Tucker over to the “big bed”.  Luckliy there was no “big bed” trauma like so many of my friends have experienced.

This time, however…the new baby’s room looks like this:

As you can see, the nursery is full of boxes.  The crib is full of Christmas presents.  There is no shower curtain in the bathroom.  I’ve not hung a single picture or any drapes.  I haven’t even bought drapes or wall decor!  I do have an excuse or two, though:  we have moved twice in a matter of months, I’ve been sicker longer and more often, my “big kids” are at a point where you can’t trust them alone for more than 10 minutes, I’m supposed to be “taking it a little easy” because of my blood pressure, and I’m just plain tired. 

Oh, well…#3A won’t know what boxes are, or even actually be able to see them very well.  (S)he will need the crib cleaned out, but even if that doesn’t happen then (s)he can sleep in the car seat if need be for a night or two.  I’m pretty sure that (s)he won’t be taking showers very soon, so the shower curtain shouldn’t be an issue either.  I do however need to actually find the carseat.  And it’d probably be a good idea to buy at least one pack of diapers.  I don’t think Emmie’s size 5’s will be very useful.  I haven’t bought any new clothes, but I should probably wash the few unisex things I have…they have, after all, been packed up for 2 years.

I kind of can’t believe that I’m already a little over 34 weeks.  Since I’ve never made it past 38 weeks, that means little #3A could be(and hopefully will be) here in less than a month.  I really must look for that carseat tomorrow!