A few weeks ago, I said I was going to take the {W}rite of Passage challenge.  I wrote one bad post that even I didn’t like, and I started writing another about lunch only to find that there was something bigger and more beautiful that wanted to come out of my heart and my mind.

But this week’s challenge, should I choose to accept it, is “The Job“.  So without further ado, Challenge #5 (with many, many ellipses…and parentheses).

We didn’t start out so well, you and I.  Well, I mean…the very first part wasn’t so bad, but then the pain and the screaming and surgery.  Yeah, that could have gone better.  Normal vaginal delivery with epidural.  Nothing fancy.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  Except…well, first we found out that you only had three toes on one foot.  That was a bit of a shocker, I must admit.  But nothing we couldn’t handle.  When the nurses got you ready to leave the room, everyone followed you down to the nursery.  Everyone except Jesse.  (God bless Jesse.)  She stayed by my side because…well, because that’s what best friends do.

“Hey Jess?  I’m hurting.  Like really, really hurting.”

She set off to find a nurse, who tried to convince me that it was just the epidural wearing off.  (Let me go ahead and tell you one thing about me: I’m generally a very nice person.  But if I’m hurting?  Well…there’s no guarantee.)  I then convinced her to take a look, and lo-and-behold she did something I wish upon no one else.  She took a big, scary, deep breath followed quickly by “I’ll be right back”.

The next part’s a bit of a pain-and-drug-induced blur for me.  Doctor rushes in, takes a look, pushes lots of major drugs.  I get yelled at by a tiny Asian anesthesiologist because I’d had a sip of Diet Coke, which was apparently going to kill me.  They rush me to the OR, and I am literally writhing in pain as they try to get me sedated.

For me, in my memories…there is nothing again until morning.  Surgery complete, pain meds on board, and I am finally able to hold you, to be with you, to cradle you in my arms like I’ve always dreamed of doing.  Just me and you.  And as I sit and try to memorize the details of your face, your perfect tiny face, I realize that this is what I was created to do.  All that I am, all that I’ve come through, all that I’ve learned, every moment of my life…has lead me to you; to the most important (and hardest) job I’ll ever have: Mommy.