Sometimes – many times, really – I don’t know how to pray for you.

I want to pray for the you that you are now and the you that you will be and all the yous in between.
And I want to pray for the relationships you have and will always have -whether they are good or bad.
And I want to pray for the relationships that aren’t even possible yet.
I am tempted to pray that these relationships always be good and happy and amiable.

But I don’t.

Because – not that I wish this for you, not really – but it is in the trials and difficulty that you will become you.
It is in the moments when you don’t know what to say that you find that words aren’t as important as they seem.
And it is in the times when you feel most alone that you realize that you aren’t.

I want to pray for you, but so many times…I find myself stuttering, muttering rote words and phrases of old.
Not so long ago, I would have complained that the spirit wasn’t moving,
That because I didn’t feel anything, nothing must be happening.

But I was wrong.

And now when the words don’t come smoothly,
I know that it’s ok.
And instead of meaningless repetitions of prayers I’ve always said,
I simply speak your name.
Over.
And over.
And over again.

And that, my love, is how I pray for you – even when I don’t know how.