Babies don’t keep.

I knew that It was coming and I knew that this time…this time?
I was gonna fight.
And I was gonna fight harder than ever.
And I was gonna win, dammit.

And so I looked at the things around me.

Things I wanted and didn’t have.
Things I had and didn’t want.

And I realized that there were times – many times – when I was merely treading water.
And I was doing things that I hated and I was trying to make them perfect and it just wasn’t working.
And I looked at my children and remembered my dream, the dream that changed it all
And the enormity of time crashed down on me.

Many times, I’d heard “babies don’t keep”
And I’m quite certain I muttered it myself a time or two.
But all of a sudden, the words spun around me as time rushed past me so quickly that I fell down.
I stumbled and struggled to get up and I looked around me.
And my baby, my sweet first-born baby, looked back at me.
He is seven. S-E-V-E-N.
No, no…babies don’t keep.
But I will keep them.
I will soak up the moments with them.
And, for them, I will say yes*.
And, for them, I will say no.
And though it may be selfish, I am also saying yes and no for me.
I want them to remember this.
I want to remember this.
And in order to remember it, we have to actually do it.
And so we stay up past bedtime and break our own rules,
we read scripture and say prayers,
learn to ride bikes and celebrate milestones.

And I sort through my To Do’s and To Dont’s
and I write – for them, for me
And I hold my baby in my arms and drink her in.

Babies won’t keep.
No, no…they really won’t.
The chores will always be there tomorrow.


*Words from months ago kept coming to my mind and I scoured page after page and archive after archive of blog after blog because I couldn’t remember who had written it, but I should have known it was her.  Hers are words that settle down into your heart-soul and hide there, waiting for you to need them.
4 Responses to Babies don’t keep.
  1. Tricia
    January 20, 2012 | 7:13 am

    This is beautiful. ‘Babies don’t keep’ I’ve never heard that before but oh it feels so true to me this week. And like you, I will keep them.

  2. Adventures In Babywearing
    January 20, 2012 | 11:06 am

    Thank you for reminding me about that post. And as you can see, as they grow older they help you remember.


  3. punkinmama
    January 23, 2012 | 1:04 pm

    Sorry you’re having a rough time, but glad you see it and are fighting it. Am thinking about you, Bridget.