I know that one day I will miss that little baby squiggling in my lap.
I know that one day I will miss the chaos and the buzz of constant activity.
I know that one day I will miss being constantly touched and needed.
But today…
Right this very moment…
I find myself chanting in my head:
Savor the moment.
Savor the moment.
Savor the moment.
Savor the damn moment.
I try. I really, really do.
I really want to drink it all in.
{even the bad}
But it’s hard.
Today is hard.
The screaming and the shrieking is hard.
The constant unrest that stirs in my chest and aches to break free.
It leaves me antsy and on edge.
Senses heightened when I need them to be dulled…
And then there’s the moment when I snap and I yell.
The moment when I have reached my breaking point.
The moment when I think terrible horrible no good very bad thoughts.
And force myself to take a deep breath and walk away.
Motherhood is beautiful.
But motherhood is messy.
And hard.
And sometimes…
Sometimes…
– No matter how hard you try to savor it –
It sucks you under
And breaks you.
This is my second Just Write that is just…bleh.
I’m okay. Really, I am.
But some days are better than others.
And today? Is one of the ‘others’.
Last week I was all blah.
But Friday I did a photo shoot for some friends…
And then we headed to the beach.
We are fortunate to have a friend with a little villa there.
He is kind enough to let us borrow it if they aren’t using it.
And so we packed up and planned on catching some rays and splashing in the water.
But when we got there, it was dark and stormy and the waves were crashing in faster and harder than I’d ever seen here.
But despite the crazy weather and major advisories about rip currents and high surf and wind gusts, we had a great time!
The big three played on the playground with Daddy
while the little and I rocked the time away on the big casino porch.
She slept, I read.
We went to the beach and failed kite flying,
but found great big ‘puddles’ on the beach that were perfect for playing.
(The huge waves plus the rain flooded the beach and left tiny ponds.)
The wind was so strong that the birds couldn’t fly or even walk straight.
We got to see my favorite brother-in-law and his girlfriend.
The big three went to the Sea Turtle Center with Daddy.
And we all played mini-golf.
It’s no secret that I’m not really a beach person, but this kind of beach trip was perfect!
Minimal sand. No swim suits. No sweating!
Lots of waves crashing. Happy kids. Happy husband.
I kinda didn’t want it to end.
